Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
