I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
