Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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