I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
