Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
