dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
