Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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