I'm so fucking centered right now
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
