Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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