He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
