I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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