chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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