So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
