I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
