hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
