Small penises have feelings too.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
