my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
