I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i love accidental penises.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
