Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He passed out mid-signature
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize