Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
