32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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