The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
