Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
