I'm gonna have a badass scar
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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