i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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