It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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