Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
