I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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