yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
