I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
