And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We talked him into tasing himself.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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