Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
