I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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