porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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