its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
