If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
