Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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