you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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