i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
