new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
