just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize