does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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