That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
