Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
