I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
