In America we eat man semen.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
