I CAN MOONWALK!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
