i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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