oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
