i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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