Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She bit a glass in half.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
