ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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