Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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