I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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