shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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