He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
