I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
