Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
