Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
