Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize