i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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