I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
