I just saw a hot homeless man
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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