worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
