You work out of a Hotel?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
