Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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