someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize